Wife: What ARE you doing? Me: [pelvic thrusting around the kitchen] Gettin jiggy wit it what's it look like? W: Making the dog nervous.

Wife: you're so damn forgetful! M: oh nonsense! W: ok, did you get the cat food? M: WE HAVE A CAT??

[at restaurant] Me: "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" Wife: "I'm the same" Horse family at next table: *just sitting very still*

Me:"The store didn't have any bread so I brought flour" Wife:"If they didn't have butter would you buy a cow" *sound of hooves in kitchen*