Doctor told my wife and I that our baby has an extra chromosome... What a downer.

THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

DOCTOR: If you don't exercise, there's really no point in dieting. ME: I can't wait to tell my wife the good news.

When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young!!