😄 DOCTOR: If you don't exercise, there's really no point in dieting. ME: I can't wait to tell my wife ...

THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

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Therapist: what's upsetting you? Wife: he's always using common phrases incorrectly Me: cry me a table, Linda

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[hospital] DOCTOR: Your wife signed a DNR ME: I'm here for a sprained ankle DOCTOR: She insisted

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Wife: how was the doctor? Me: bad I'm dying Wife: I know, how was the doctor?

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