Hey people who cold call my cell phone: I've got a better way for you to make money with your mouth.

This ATM will not give me free money no matter how many times I try the Konami Code.

My daughter just asked for a Samsung Galaxy phone. Had to sit her down and explain to her we aren't poor. #iPhone

Sometimes I get really stoned and stare at phone and wonder why I pay so much money for a government tracking device.