""I already know Russian"" A KGB officer is walking in the park and he sees and old Jewish man reading a book. The KGB says ""What are you reading old man?"" The old man says ""I am trying to teach myself Hebrew."" KGB says ""Why are you trying to learn Hebrew? It takes years to get a visa for Israel. You would die before the paperwork got done."" ""I am learning Hebrew so that when I die and go to Heaven I will be able to speak to Abraham and Moses. Hebrew is the language they speak in Heaven."…

Who was the stretchiest man in The Bible? Abraham. He tied his ass to a tree and walked up a mountain.

On day in heaven A person died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, ""What are all those clocks?"" Saint Peter answered, ""Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move. ""Oh,"" said the woman, ""whose clock is that?"" ""That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."" ""Whose clock is that?"" ""Th…

A Man Dies A man dies and goes to heaven, and as he passes the gates a wall of clocks emerge. St. Peter appears, ""Welcome to heaven!"" he exclaims, the man still confused by the clocks asks, ""What are all these clocks doing in heaven?"" St. Peter explains, ""These are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time a person lies, the clock hands move one notch."" The man intrigued, points and asks, ""Whose clock is that?"" St. Peter replies, ""That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has no…