When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young!!

Every time you hire a clown for a kid's birthday party, a therapist gets a new car.

kid doctor: [looking over charts] im not going to lie this is the worst case of cooties ive ever seen little girl: he said he'd been tested!

Ppl at Starbucks are weird. They love it when I bring our chihuahua in a little baby stroller, but get all freaked out when I let him nurse.