Mom: Where're you going? Me: To dinner with my friends! Mom: Your friends? Me: I'm going to use McDonalds' free Wifi to get on twitter...

My mom handed me her phone to find me on Twitter... So I deleted her account, uninstalled the app, and told her it went out of business.

He is on that bird call website a lot. - My Mom describing me on twitter to older relatives at get-togethers.

After six years of being responsible, I finally went and lost my phone last night. I'm currently using Twitter from the web. LIKE A CAVEMAN.