😄 Probably the worst time to ask "shouldn't we go on a date first?" is after getting handcuffed by a p...

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

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Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent.

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"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it I better call the police!" - literally no one ever

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when I grow up I want to be the guy who wears a puffy suit and gets attacked by police dogs

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