My wife didn't post an essay thanking our kids for making her a mom on Facebook and now child services is on the way.

I wonder if anyone besides me has the bumper sticker, "Proud parent of your wife's kid."

Wife: My mom is watching our kids for the night. Me: Oh, baby. Do you know what we can do? *falls asleep at 7 p.m.*

When a child whines and cries, you give it back to the mama, so... *hands husband back to my mother-in-law*