I'm doing a book signing at Barnes & Noble today. Nobody asked me to. It's not even my book.

I like to sit outside Barnes & Noble with my iPad and make caveman noises at the people coming out with real books.

I'll be signing copies of my tweets this Friday at Barnes & Noble in Salt Lake City! Just meet me by the bathrooms at 5:30 & bring a pen.

I'll be signing books at Barnes & Noble from 6 p.m. to whenever they kick me out for ruining all their books.