Hot chick at the bar just said that she's gonna do something stupid tonight... ...I informed her that I only had a 1.75 GPA in high school.

Professor: "Did you just show up drunk to my exam?" No way "Hungover then?" Nope "There's a lime wedge on your face"

Bartender: What will you have? Me: Whiskey BT: Straight? Me: Except for that one time in college. BT: Me: BT: Me: How 'bout them Red Sox?

Place a STUDENT DRIVER sign on top of your car, and suddenly nobody suspects you of drunk driving.