A doctor from U.K. says: ""In U.K. the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's hand; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."" The German doctor comments:""That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."" A Russian doctor says:""That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he…

Why couldn't Germany win a world war? Because they'd Russia lot

Germany and Russia joint up to invade Poland... At the start of the battle a lone sniper is able to sneak his way behind enemy lines, so far behind in fact that he manages to get a clear shot of the Russian general in charge of the invasion and the German lieutenant that works as his assistant. Knowing the repercussions of this moment, it becomes irritably apparent to the sniper whom he's to shoot first, and so he does. Days later when the Polish sniper is cough trying to escape the area, after …

X-Post from /r/Standup: If I ever got on stage I'd give my version of the Teletubbies... Here's my skit on the Teletubbies. So I hate the Teletubbies. It's one of the most mindless children's shows I've ever seen. I sometimes had to watch it because my ex's nephew loved the show and when we baby sat him that's all he wanted to watch. To me all it is, is a bunch of weird looking giant different colored babies dancing around on an acid trip, with dumb shapes on their heads. How is this informative…