Fully clothed mom just waded into the pool to grab her devil spawn child that was ignoring her. She's my new favorite.

Small kid : Mom what happens when you die? Mom : Your soul will go to heaven. Small kid : No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?

Me (to a baby): Hush little baby don't say a word. Momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird Mom: like hell I'll buy that kid anything..

DOCTOR: congratulations, it's a boy! *holds up baby tricycle* BICYCLE DAD: what the hell? BICYCLE MOM: *crying*