I received a basketball in the mail from Amazon. I haven't played basketball in 20 years but apparently drunk me thinks I'm Michael Jordan.

Lebron reminds me of Michael Jordan... ...when Jordan played baseball

Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, a priest, and a hippie are on a plane together when suddenly it starts going down. There are only four parachutes but the pilot takes one and jumps out. Michael Jordan says ""I'm the greatest basketball player ever, I should get to live."" He grabs one and jumps out. Bill Gates says, ""I'm the smartest man in the world, I should live."" He grabs a pack and jumps out. The priest turns to the hippie and says, ""Son, I've lived my life. You take the last parachute and I'…

So this guy, Rob, is at an interview... And on his resume, he claims that he is friends with almost everyone in the world. The boss, who's interviewing him, clearly doesn't believe him. "If you know everyone, then hook me up with Obama." "Oh yeah! Sure! Obama and I went to middle school together! I'll call him up" Rob calls and Obama picks up. "Hey Rob! Yeah long time no see! I was in the middle of writing a big speech, but you can come over to the White House and we can chill." They arrive…