Can any of you read your Chinese food bill? Looks like they charged me for a chicken lo-mein, a python, Africa, and a diet Coke.

I'm starting a Kickstarter to bring a lion from Africa and let it loose in a dentist's office.

What is cold? (note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32) +10C The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating. The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers. +5C The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the horizon) +2C Italian cars won't start. 0C Pure water freezes. -1C Exhaled air becomes visible. Time to book some holidays around the Mediterranean. The Laps eat ice-cream & drink cold beer. -4C The cat wants to share my duv…

At the hunting lodge During a social meeting at a traditional hunting lodge, one of the newcomers was talking to one of the oldest there. The guy was so old he couldn't even walk or talk properly. And he was telling stories about his youth and about a hunting trip to Africa, long ago. ""So my child, I was a bit tired and no animals spotted that day that I decided to take a nap. Laid my body between a tree and a bush. All of a sudden I woke up with a noise and movement behind the bush. Over it ju…