Dance like nobody's watching, sing like nobody's listening, Tweet like the NSA doesn't exist.

According to Verizon, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.

I thought I lost my car keys, but the NSA called and said they were in my other pants.

That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.