Texas. Where the vegan menu item is chicken.

My nephew asked, "What's the secret to a long life?" I said, "Never order vegetarian in Texas"

TEXAS SURVIVOR Texas is trying to capitalize on the popularity of the show ""Survivor"" by hosting its own version. Contestants will have to drive from Amarillo and visit checkpoints in the following cities, Lubbock - Dallas - Waco - Austin - Houston - Laredo - San Antonio - El Paso and finish back in Amarillo. Contestants will be give a pink Saab with a bumper stickers that read, ""I'm Gay, I'm Vegan, I Voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate your guns!"" The contestant who makes it back …

Merlot. Heard this one a while back, haven't seen it on Reddit yet so here it is. Long. A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said. ""The gentleman seated over there....and indicated the sender with a nod of his head wants you to have this wine. She stared at the wine cooly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, she decided to send a reply by note. The waiter who was…