Phone rang for the 1st time in 4 months. My reaction was similar to finding a dead mouse on my porch. I circled it & poked it with a stick.

People who tweet about politics should have to pass a small test: if i say "Oh, look, a dead bird," and you look UP, we take your phone away

Jim and Bob are hiking through the woods, and Jim goes off the trail to take a leak. He suprises a rattlesnake, who strikes at once, and bites him on the pecker. Jim yells over to Bob, who goes into action, and gets a local park ranger on cell phone. Bob tells the story and asks the ranger, ""What do I do?"" The ranger says, ""You have to try to suck the poison out of the two puncture wounds from the snake's fangs as quickly as possible, and get him back to the ranger station."" Jim, frightened …

Two guys are hiking in the woods... Two guys are hiking in the woods when one gets bit on the asscheek by a snake. His friend calls 911 and asks what to do. The responder says to put his mouth on the bite and suck the venom out. He promptly hangs up the phone and his friend says ""what did they say"" He replies, ""You're gonna die buddy""