The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA (FIXED) The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: ""Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"" A bunch of white, middle class intellectuals who insist that The Wire is the best TV show ever are sent in. After declaring that a statistics based approach to capturing the rabbit won't work, they reach out to the all the creatures that live in the high-rise trees scattered around the worst parts of the forest and begin mapping out the network of rabbit holes dotting the forest floor. It becomes apparent that the rabbit's product is coming from a family of goats that live on a far away mountaintop, obscured by clouds. Soon after, they realize that the rabbit is laundering his money through a convoluted series of Forestry Service environmental cleanup grants and a salt lick set up as a shell company under the name of a deer who was coerced into cooperating with the rabbit after the rabbit threatened his family. Eventually the rabbit is caught, and shortly after is killed in prison before he can flip on the goats. The president redirects funding for the investigation to the War on Terror, and as the investigation is being rolled up, a turtle moves into the rabbit's old territory, strikes a deal with the goats, and, with lessons learned from observing the rabbit's mistakes, kicks off a new, more efficient criminal enterprise in the vacuum left by the rabbit's departure.