When someone tells me they're a doctor or an engineer all I can think is: "wow your parents must've yelled at you to do your homework a lot"

[hs reunion] JANE: i'm an engineer TOM: i'm a real estate developer AMY: i'm a lawyer *everyone looks at me* ME: *panics* i'm a hospital

A priest, an ophthalmologist, and an engineer were golfing one morning behind a particularly slow group of golfers The engineer fumed, ""What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"" The doctor chimed in, ""I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"" The priest said, ""Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."" He said, ""Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"" The greens keeper replied, ""O…

A one-way trip to Mars NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn't return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. ""A million dollars,"" he answered, ""because I want to donate it to M.I.T."" The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. ""I want to give a million to my family,"" he explained, ""and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research…