On their first evening in The White House, President Obama is surprised to find something new about Michelle POTUS: Oh honey, you finally did it all the way. Thanks, bae. Loved it. Great way to celebrate. Michelle: I did for all of us - You, me, the American people, and the entire world. From this day on, this place shall never again house any bush.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography. Homophobia is God's way of teaching us the names of Republican governors.

Sometimes to take a break from frightening election news, I watch something far less horrifying like 'The Shining' or 'Silence of the Lambs'

"the uk couldn't POSSIBLY leave" "trump couldn't POSSIBLY be president" "we couldn't POSSIBLY start eating each other out of necessity"