War is God's way of teaching Americans geography. Homophobia is God's way of teaching us the names of Republican governors.

Sometimes to take a break from frightening election news, I watch something far less horrifying like 'The Shining' or 'Silence of the Lambs'

Theres a dating website for people that believe the government is ran by lizard people so I really have no excuse for being single

The Canadian election consists of two men apologizing till one concedes, the winner is then elected king of Canada. Or something like that.