Mr. Jones, did you or did you not have an affair with the victim, Diana? "No!" Oh really. And what's your first name? "Indiana" [jury gasps]

An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup... ... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news. ""Whats the worse news?"" ""You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."" Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, ""And the bad news?"" ""you have Alzheimers."" Mr. Jones frowns and says, ""well, at least I don't have cancer.""

This guy takes his sick parrot to the vet... The vet takes one look and says, ""I'm afraid your parrot is dead."" ""That's terrible,"" says the guy, ""How can you so sure? I'd like a second opinion."" The Vet then opens the door and whistles. A Labrador bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, takes time sniffing at the parrot, looks up and whines sadly. ""I'm afraid it's confirmed"" says the vet. The guy looks at the vet and says ""But my 5 year old daughter loves this parrot! Please! Are …

Little Johnny missed schoool today... Little Johnny missed school today, so not wanting to miss his after school band rehearsal he decided to call the front office. ""Hello this is Johnny I missed school today, what time will band rehearsal be today?"" The secretary on the line answered, ""I'm sorry Johnny, you must not have heard, Mr. Jones had a heart attack and died there will be no band rehearsal."" Little Johnny said ""Thank you."" then hung up. A few minutes later the secretary hears the p…