Me: [bursts into wife's meeting] BABE, IT HAPPENED! Wife: Dave, I'm at wo- Me: I paid for 6 [empties chicken nuggets on table] I got 7

*i get home riding a pig* Wife: Hey honey, how was the "Hog Riders" meeting? Me: *sighs* Pointless...this one was for motorcycles too.

The Guinness Brewery Mary O'Malley was waiting at home for her husband to come home from work at the Guinness brewery. While she was putting the finishing touches on dinner, she hears a knock on the door. Mary goes to the door to find her husband's friend/coworker, Seamus, on the other side. ""Oh, Seamus! Come in, come in! Please, make yourself at home, I'm just waiting for my husband to come back from work. Can I offer you some tea?"" Mary asked. ""No, thank you,"" replied Seamus. ""Mary, unfor…

How to break bad news like a boss At dawn the telephone rings, ""Hello, Senor Kent? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."" ""Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"" ""Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Kent, that your parrot, he is dead"". ""My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"" ""Si, Senor, that's the one."" ""Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"" ""From eating the rotten mea…