GOD: Peter, you will be heaven's bouncer ST PETER: What the hell, I don't want ST BERNARD (whispering): Shut up or he'll make you a dog

Three friends die and go to heaven.. ..when they get there, they see St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter greets them and tells them that to enter heaven they must each answer one question, completely honestly. St. Peter calls the first man up and asks him if he ever cheated on his wife. The man tells St. Peter, ""I never cheated on my wife, I loved her everyday of my life."" St. Peter then welcomes the man into Heaven and tells him because of his faithfulness he gets to drive a Rolls Royce …

A zebra meets God. All his life the zebra always wondered whether he was a black zebra with white stripes, or a white zebra with black stripes. He thought about this often but never came to an answer. Well, one day while he was out and about, he was shot by a hunter. When he arrived to heaven, he was face to face with Saint Peter. Realizing where he was, the zebra asked Saint Peter if he could as God a question. Before he knew it, the zebra was face to face with God. ""What is the question you w…

An engineer in Hell An engineer dies and goes up to the Pearly Gates where St. Peter greets him. ""Come in, come in."" says Peter, ""We can always use another engineer."" But the engineer is not so sure he wants to go to Heaven. He is a builder and a doer and is afraid he will be bored. So he asks if he can have a look at Hell to see if he would like to go there instead. St. Peter says ""Sure, why not?"" and sends him down for a look. The engineer sees the fiery pits and the swamps and the heat …