A man receives marriage-saving advice from his buddy on how to hide his drinking shenanigans, and here's how he uses it. John comes home stumbling drunk with vomit on his jacket. His wife is tired of this behavior, and gives him an ultimatum, ""John, you're my husband and I love you. I don't even mind that you drink. But I swear to god if you come home this drunk again, I'm leaving you."" John nods his head in shame, showers, and sleeps on the couch. The very next day, John gets coaxed by his bu…

More 83 YO dad funnies. Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.' An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and w…

A man promises his wife to quit drinking... ...but that night he let's his buddy talk him into going to happy hour. He ends up getting so drunk he vomits all over himself. Suddenly overcome with guilt, he starts crying to his buddy. ""What am I gonna do? I'm busted for sure."" But his friend has an idea. ""Let me see your wallet."". The man turns it over and the friend reaches in, pulls out a bill, and shoves it in the dirty shirt pocket. ""When you get home, tell your wife you stayed late at th…

A guy goes to the bar for 1 beer on his birthday. Its Jim's birthday and has a night planned with his wife. A buddy intercepts him and talks him into having 1 beer. Jim says OK, but only one, his wife will be waiting for him after all. 2 hours pass, and he hasn't lived up to his promice to his wife, he is shitfaced. Jim is getting ready to leave and his buddy forces him to have one more shot. Jim does the shot and immediately vomits on his shirt. His buddy has a great idea. "" here's $20, slip i…