Facebook made billions by saying "Hey, remember that kid you haven't seen since the third grade? He's a parent who hates Obama now."

My wife didn't post an essay thanking our kids for making her a mom on Facebook and now child services is on the way.

Just once I want to see a new parent post a baby photo on Facebook with the words: "Still not sure if we like it, tbh."

Dad: Look at this cute photo of my baby Just kidding, this isn't freaking Facebook!