My wife didn't post an essay thanking our kids for making her a mom on Facebook and now child services is on the way.

Just once I want to see a new parent post a baby photo on Facebook with the words: "Still not sure if we like it, tbh."

I never touch baby carrots because I'm afraid the mother will reject them.

The year is 2027. Voice to text is flawless. A young child points at a bird and says, "Duck". His mother slaps him.