Gherkin Flu This guy spends a wild week on holiday hitting brothels and the like and after a few days back home realises he over did it as his big end is green. He goes to see a doctor who makes a fatal STI diagnosis and says the best chance of long term survival is complicated and expensive amputation of his genitalia - balls and all. Naturally, he goes for several second opinions and all seem to indicate his days as a monk are fast approaching. On a tip-off from a friend, he goes to an Asian herbalist who immediately recognises the rash and calls bullshit on the aforementioned western doctors: ""Those western doctors are so full of shit, totally caught up in making money!"" The herbalist declares. ""So I don't need amputation?"" The guy says, excitedly. ""No,"" says the herbalist ""after two weeks it'll all just fall off by itself.""