While getting thrown in jail, my grandma's pacemaker failed. I guess you could say it was a cardiac arrest for battery.

What do you call a cop who doesn't shoot innocent black people? 1. Acquitted 2. Fired, retired or expired

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent.