A Texan was standing admiring the beauty of Niagara Falls when a New Yorker standing next to him said sarcastically: "I bet you don't have anything like this in Texas." "No," said the Texan, "but we've got plumbers who could fix it!" You Know You're in Texas When . . . Hot water comes out of both taps. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron. The temperature drops below ninety-five degrees, and you feel a little chilly. You discover that in July it only takes two fing…

When in Texas... *heads into the desert* *hugs cactus* *shoots said cactus* *rides off into the sunset on horseback*

I like messing with Texas by calling random numbers in Houston and telling them I have a problem.

The only upside to Trump's big wall is that Texas will finally get some of Banksy's Art. Maybe like a little girl and a soldier with a gun