A close call. A man sits down in his chair then rips a huge fart. His wife says ""one of these days you're going to shit your guts out"". It becomes a habit that every time he passes gas she says ""one day you will shit you're guts out"" One day on Thanksgiving morning she decides she's had enough. She takes all the guts from the Turkey and sneeks them under the covers while her husband sleeps,then goes back to the kitchen to wait. After an hour or so she hears her husband scream then silence. H…

Obama had to phone Putin to arrange a meeting. They concluded they would meet over Christmas to arrange peaceful measures of retaliation in the current crisis. Worried about the food, Obama asked: ""What are you having for Christmas dinner, Putin?"" ""I think I'll have Turkey."" replied Putin.

We went shopping for a turkey to cook for Thanksgiving. We're expecting 20 people at our house and my husband wanted to find the perfect turkey for the smoker. After picking through the stock at the grocery store he can't find one he wants. He says, ""Don't these get any bigger?"" I replied. ""No, honey. They're already dead.""

This joke gets told EVERY Thanksgiving... Might as well (re)post it here. ""How to cook a turkey"" ""How to cook a turkey"" Step 1: Go buy a turkey Turkey Dinner Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD Step 3: Put turkey in the oven Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens Cup of Beer Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink Step 7: Turn oven the on Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky Step 9: Turk the bastey Alcoholic Beverage Step 10: Whiskey another bottle o…