ME: i need a loan so i can build a robot army to take over the world with BANKER: what M: oops i meant 'with which to take over the world'

War vets with prosthetic limbs are running marathons and I'm busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.

My mother talks into the phone like a combat soldier calling in air support.

Interviewer: says here you have a military background Me [getting out my phone]: yeah but I changed to a picture of my dog eating spaghetti