"You are what you eat" I whisper to myself as I pour my dead dog's ashes into my cat's food bowl

I'll usually order the chicken sandwich. I like my food to be more cowardly than I am.

"Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog

told my girl I was going to a wine tasting, now she's coming and I was just gonna eat a dead bird and some expired cat food behind a Costco