"You are what you eat" I whisper to myself as I pour my dead dog's ashes into my cat's food bowl

The first person to milk a cow probably saw a baby cow nursing and was like oh yeah people do that too and I have no food I don't wanna die

*Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don't waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food.

One day a priest was walking on a pier when he noticed a guy in a boat fishing He waves to the fisherman, and the fisherman asks him if he'd like to join him in the boat for a little angling. The priest enthusiastically agrees but explains that he's never fished before. The angler says he'll teach him. On his first cast, the priest hauls in a really big fish. The fishermen exclaims, ""Wow! That's a big son of a b****!"" Realizing he's in the presence of a priest, the fisherman says, ""Oh, father…