I was trying to get the bubbles out of my screen protector and I accidentally bought a horse on eBay.

Lightly used fish tank for sale on eBay. Does not contain three goldfish ghosts.

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

She has a coy pond. All the pretty fish swim away when you try to feed them.