[Alien monster is levelling Toronto] CANADAMAN: Excuse me, sir, SIR, could you stop please? SIR?

I'm convinced that this trip to Toronto will end with my being arrested for not being nice enough.

The funniest thing about being sober is someday finding out that you were the mayor of Toronto.

Earlier I joked that Toronto was the capital of Canada. "Joked" being the operative word. Everyone knows only real countries have capitals.