POLLY GETS A CRACKER WHEN HE STOPS REFERRING TO HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON, and not a moment before. Stupid bird.

Bigot Parrot So a black guy walks into a pet shop looking for a new pet. His eye is drawn to the shop keeper sitting with a parrot on his shoulder having a full conversation. He walks up to the shop owner and tells him how amazing that parrot is and was wondering if it was at all for sale or if it was the owner's personal pet. The owner told him everything is for sale but this parrot is so unique that it costs $1,000. The man says it's worth every penny and pays the shop owner and walks out with…

This guy takes his sick parrot to the vet... The vet takes one look and says, ""I'm afraid your parrot is dead."" ""That's terrible,"" says the guy, ""How can you so sure? I'd like a second opinion."" The Vet then opens the door and whistles. A Labrador bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, takes time sniffing at the parrot, looks up and whines sadly. ""I'm afraid it's confirmed"" says the vet. The guy looks at the vet and says ""But my 5 year old daughter loves this parrot! Please! Are …

THE CAT AND THE LAB A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary hospital. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the Vet shook his head sadly and said, ""I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away."" The distressed owner wailed, ""Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."" The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returni…