Just took a bite of a gluten-free slice of pizza & my stomach made a sad noise & I was all "I know, buddy. I know."

Two bats are sitting in a cave... ...one looks at the other a says, ""I'm hungry. Think I'll go get some blood"". So he flew out of the cave. About an hour later he returns with his face covered in blood. His buddy looks at him and says, ""Wow! How did you get all that blood?"". ""Well..."", he replies, ""you know when you are flying out of the cave, you hang a right and then you see that tree in front of you..."" ""Yeah?"", says his buddy. He replies, ""Well.....I didn't"".

Gentlemen...BEHOLD! Puns. What do you call a cool mushroom?...A fun guy!!! A neutron walks into a bar. ""I'd like a beer"" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. ""How much will that be?"" asks the neutron. ""For you?"" replies the bartender, ""no charge"" A guy walks into a restaurant, and takes a seat. Across the room he see's a panda bear eating a large pile of bamboo. Upon finishing the bamboo a waiter comes to the pandas table. The panda then shoots the waiter in the head, gets u…

Shipwrecked! After a messy divorce, a middle aged man decides he needs to take some time for himself, and decides to take a cruise in the South Pacific to let off some steam and relax. He's enjoying the trip, relaxing and mostly keeping to himself, when suddenly the clouds darken and a huge storm springs up. The ship begins to pitch and roll. People are panicking. The captain announces that the ship is going to sink. Just as the man slips on his life jacket and begins to head for the lifeboats a…