Arrived home super drunk. Put the turkey in the oven and went up and banged my wife. Woke up next to the turkey. Afraid to check the oven.

Good Blonde Joke A blind guy walks into a lesbian bar and orders a drink. He sits for a while and doesnt hear much so he asks if anyone wants to hear a blonde joke. The bartender says, before you tell your joke I want you to know that there is a big blonde softball player sitting next to you, two blondes that cage fight playing pool behind you, and I myself am a blonde female hockey player...So, do you still want to tell you joke? No. The man replies, not if Im going to have to explain it four t…

So, This Blind Guy Walks Into a Bar... And takes a seat in front of the bartender. ""Would you like to here a great blonde joke?"" He asks. The bartender leans in close and says, ""Well, the priest and rabbi to your right are blonde. The two cheerleaders to your left are blonde and, to top it all off, I'M blonde. You still want to tell that joke buddy?"" The blind guy takes a moment to think about it and says ""Nah. I'd rather not have to explain it five times.""

another blonde joke So there's this blonde girl and her boyfriend and both of them are hanging from this bar above a boiling pit of lava. There is only one way either of them can escape - if the other lets go. The guy says, ""I'm going to let go so that you can escape, because I love you so much"". Delighted by this, the blonde starts clapping.