so satan captures an german, an american and a jew.. he says I'm in a good mood today so we're going to play a little game... I'll give all three of you a shop and infinit money to run it, but if I come to your store and see something I like... you better have enough of it... If you don't... ""I'LL KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND"".... he visit the german first, the german fills his store with all kinds of beer, as much as he can get... so the devil comes, takes a good look around and starts drinking a…

A duck walks into a hardware store ... He waddles up to the counter and asks the salesman: ""Excuse me sir, do you have any duck food?"" The salesman: ""Sorry, this is a hardware store, no duck food."" The little guy is sad and waddles away. The next day the duck is back, walks up to the counter and asks the salesman: ""Excuse me sir, but do you have any duck food?"". Now the guy gets mad: ""This is a hardware store, we DON'T have any duck food. Now get the hell outta here, or I'm gonna nail you…

A Priest and a Deacon A Priest realized that less and less people were showing up to church every day. He goes to the Deacon and asks ""How can I get more people to come to church?"" ""Well"", says the Deacon, ""people like food. Maybe if you offer free food at mass, more people will show up."" So the Priest sets up a giant buffet, filled with pizza, fries, a soda fountain, and even a chocolate waterfall. The next Sunday, the Priest is disappointed to find that only 20 more people showed up to c…

Mistress A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, ""Who in the hell was that?"" ""Oh,"" replies the husband, ""She's my mistress."" ""Well, that's the last straw,"" says the wife. ""I've had enough. I want a divorce!"" ""I can understand that,"" replies her husband, ""But rememb…