A Tribute To Tim Vine A few of my favourite Tim Vine jokes... 1. Conjunctivitis.com, that's a site for sore eyes. 2. Exit signs. They're on the way out, aren't they? 3. Crime in multi-storey car parks. It's wrong on so many levels. 4. I phoned the local gym and asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said ""How flexible are you?"", I said ""I can't make Tuesdays"". 5. Black Beauty, now there's a dark horse. 6. I'll tell you what I love doing, packing myself into a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself. 7. I went to the doctor and he said ""You've got hypochondria"", I said ""Not that as well"". 8. I had a dream last night. The voice said ""On your marks, get set, go!"" I woke up with a start. 9. I've just been on a once in a lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again. 10. I've decided to sell my hoover, well, it was just picking up dust.