BREAKING NEWS: Adrian Peterson has been traded to the Minnesota Twins They needed a switch hitter

Adrian Peterson got a new job... he was picked up by the Minnesota twins... He's gonna be their new ""switch hitter""

Adrian Peterson just announced his retirement from the NFL and will be joining the Minnesota Twins as a switch hitter. (Sorry, news was too depressing not to joke about it)

Dave, a disgruntled parent was talking to Adrian Peterson at the playground. Dave: ""Man, these children are crazy"" Adrian: ""I hear ya bro. Mine is out of control"" Dave: ""We should switch kids this weekend"" Adrian: ""Already tried that, got in a little trouble with the law""