The Man and the Shaggy Dog Once upon a time, a man decided to climb a mountain. He took a nasty fall, badly bruising himself, and landed in the woods next to a shaggy-haired dog. Despite his injuries, he limped back to his house, where he left the dog, then to the nearest hospital, where he got some x-rays. When he got home, the dog looked hungry, so he made a steak just for the dog, and turned on the television. He was just about to call the pound when he heard that a wealthy couple, on vacatio…

The Spaghetti Joke. Two men had a plane crash in the desert and survived. They had water, but no food. After a couple of days wandering in the desert they saw the remaining of another plane that was crashed a few days ago with a dead pilot. So one man says to the other "Let's open the dead pilot's stomach, perhaps what he ate is still there." The other agrees, they open the pilot's stomach and see the he had spaghetti. The second man starts eating hungrily, the first man refuses politely. "You…

told my girl I was going to a wine tasting, now she's coming and I was just gonna eat a dead bird and some expired cat food behind a Costco

Every chef on Chopped's like "I was medically dead for 3 yrs & my wife married the guy who pushed me off that bridge. My specialty is bao."