My mother has now been sending me a Valentine's card for 28 years. She's persistent but I'm not interested.

Shout out to whoever scheduled Valentine's candy to show up just as we're all giving up on New Year resolutions.

One time I wore my brother's t-shirt, and my dad asked if I was dressing up as his favorite child for Halloween.

Happy Valentine's Day!! If you don't have that perfect someone in your life, you are worthless. Die.