Guarantees in life: 1) death 2) taxes 3) me pulling the handle of your car door at the same moment you try to unlock it

Just saved a bunch of money on my Glenn from The Walking Dead Halloween costume by not showering for a month.

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's cheat and murder for insurance money like they do on Investigation Discovery Channel.

As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.