Small kid : Mom what happens when you die? Mom : Your soul will go to heaven. Small kid : No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?

[at wife's funeral] Son: At least shes in heaven now Me: [delicately places hand on his shoulder] You don't know shit about your mom

The miser's will A notorious miser died, and in his will he left his $3 million estate split evenly among his three sons: a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer. Being selfish even in death, he left each of them strict instructions to put the money in his coffin when they buried him. After the funeral, the three were talking, and the doctor said ""I have a confession to make. I didn't actually put all the money in the coffin -- it seemed like such a waste. I kept out $200,000 to buy some new equipment…

A man at a funeral Interrupts the priest and says, ""Excuse me, do you have the WiFi password?"" The priest stares at him and says, ""Good God man, have some decency. This is your mother's funeral!"" The man replies, ""Is that all lower case?""