Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

A horse walks into a bar & the bartender says, "why the long face?" & the horse says, "why the English Lit degree?"

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" The horse sues him for discrimination and wins $4.3 million and the bar.

Me: Sorry I got drunk and ate all the bacon. Wife: You ate Beggin' Strips. *me to the dog* Sorry I got drunk and ate all of your bacon.