The Englishmen & the salmon. Two English guys (John & Dave) were visiting Ireland & after a few days of traveling around, they found themselves in a very rural pub enjoying the local beer. They drank for many hours & when it came to closing time, they were both *extremely* drunk so they left the pub & staggered up the laneway towards their lodgings. On the way, under the dim street light they saw two local Irishmen walking towards them carrying what was the biggest salmon the…

The Irish Nun and warm milk In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the gla…

Warm Milk In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips…

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.