St Peter, at the pearly gates receives a new candidate to heaven... ... and asks this soul what he used to do when he was alive. ""Well, I used to smoke pot A LOT, like everyday, so that's it."" St Peter is not amused because he does not know what pot is. ""Pot dude.. Weed, MJ, Marijuana, Grass, Dope..."" Still, St Peter never heard of it and tells the dead soul to wait a minute, for he will ask something to the boss. He goes to God's office to ask what Weed was and was surprised to see that eve…

Gangbangers in Heaven Forty gangbangers, complete with hoodies and hos, turn up at the pearly-gates demanding to be let in. St. Peter explains that he just can't let them all in at once & tells them to ""hang on a few minutes, whilst I just have a word with my boss."" So he goes off & gets on the phone to God. God says to him ""Go back down to them, but don't let any of them through the pearly gates until you've talked to them & established who have sinned & who have been righteo…

A man died and went to heaven... ...As he stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, ""What are all these clocks doing here?"". St. Peter answered, ""This is the wall of Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth possesses a lie clock, and every time you lie, the hand on the clock moves."" ""Oh"" said the man, ""Whose clock is that?"" ""That's Mother Theresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie"". ""Incredible"" said th…

An engineer dies... An engineer dies and stands before St. Peter at the gates of heaven. After going through all his records, St. Peter finds that the man must go to hell. The engineer complains, as he's always been loyal to his wife and friends, never stolen, and always tried to lead a good life. "I'll take it up with the boss," says St. Peter. "But it will be a few weeks before we get an answer, and until then you'll have to stay in hell." Two weeks later, after the case has been gone ov…